#funny

I'd rather have rabies than be in love." "Why?" "Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor-relationships #funny

About adultery: Don’t go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #hilarious #humor #introduction

Time is such a waste of time to think about, because the longer you ponder it, the more of it you lose. And before you know it, you don’t know it, because you are nothing but dusty worm food. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #knowledge #loss #ponder

Want a little cheese with that whine, maestro? ↗

— Madeleine Urban

#funny

To be unpopular, you must look the part. Remember four words: plastic flowered swim cap. ↗

— Jennifer Ziegler

#popularity #unpopularity #funny

We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #insults #sarcasm #friendship

If it’s not already written, I want to write a book called, “The Art of Raw.” But instead of using my real name, I’ll use the pseudonym, “Sun Tzushi. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#art-of-war #book #funny #pseudonym #sun-tzushi

Dont let the bastards grind you down?" Bran looked at me incredulously. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#funny

I figured all your classes were stuff like Slaughter 101 and Beheading for Beginners." Jace flipped a page. "Very funny, Fray. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #jace-wayland #funny