#funny

A brick could be used to keep you three inches away from death.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

We tend to get a little information before we off people. It’s not a play by ear sort of deal. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny #life #death

At the point of her death, I felt a particular pang, but I can’t remember now. I tried to recall it earlier but could not. I remember thinking it wasn’t worth remembering, but I don’t remember what was so unforgettable and unimportant as to ascribe the label of “forgettable.” If it was all the way forgettable, I wouldn’t have dwelled on it, and if it was really important, I would have remembered. So it must have been an in the middle thought, closer to forgettable, but at least worth pondering its merits for a moment. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#memory #death

My couch is my deathbed, and I won’t let my life get repossessed. ↗

— Bauvard

#death #funny #humor #life #repossession

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

So...what are you delivering today -- pizza or death?" "Both, actually.  Pepperoni for you now, and a fatal aneurism to the woman in room 408 in about ten hours. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#death

I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love?
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— Jarod Kintz

#clouds #funny #humor #knees #life

Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of death (or bricks).
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I had a dream about you. You were dying, and everybody around you was ignoring you because nobody wants to think about death. I was the only person who saw your pain, and was willing to document your descent into decomposition with the unblinking honesty of a video camera following your every move. You didn't smile once, but I suppose that's natural, because you were a soon-to-be skeleton in a cemetery.
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

If I had 31 minutes to live, I'd ask God to be there for me in my hour of need. I'm always like that, rounding up and needy.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #god #humor #life #need