#funny

There's a dead guy on our floor," Tom pointed out. "Yeah, that's Beamer, our neighbor." Vik stepped over Tom's bed, and kicked open a drawer beneath the mattress. He swept down and yanked out a bundle of fabric. "Here's your uniform." "There's a dead Beamer on our floor," Tom said again. ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#funny

I had gotten to a place where I truly believed everything I was called: 'not sexy,' 'not funny,' 'too intense,' desperate.' All those labels they gave me, I took them because there wasn't a trace of my true self left. ↗

— Naomi Watts

#believed #called #desperate #everything #funny

In my opinion, all boyfriends should turn out to be secretly wealthy. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#funny #money #wealth #funny

Welcome to Arizona, you bastard. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#arizona #christina #funny #humor #anger

One time when somebody showed up in a wedding dress, but I never knew if it was a joke, or she was serious. She asked me to marry her. She was serious. It was pretty funny. ↗

— Bryan White

#dress #funny #her #i #joke

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. ↗

— Ron White

#believe #find #given #gives #i

I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great. ↗

— Shaun White

#away #baggy #because #black #convinced

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit. ↗

— Al Yankovic

#gotta #know #material #merit #own

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead-language #death #eulogy #funeral #funny

One last moment of inspiration is worth more than the most efficient oxygen machine. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #inspiration #funny