#funny

Dont talk to the crazy kids. I longed to shout back that we weren't crazy. I'd mistaken her kid for a ghost, that's all. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#ghost #the-summoning #funny

This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit." -Ty Henderson ↗

— Madeleine Urban

#humorous-quotations #shit #squirrel #funny

It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague. ↗

— Heidi Cullinan

#funny #music #funny

Through the window yesterday I saw a fool talking to himself, and it made me laugh, until I realized it was a mirrored window. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fool #funny #humor #laughter #funny

If a man wants love and a woman wants marriage, it’s best to compromise and get heart transplants on the honeymoon. Then a part of the other will always be with them, helping them sigh dreamily. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #marriage #funny

My spouse makes a lot of sacrifices for me. I've devoted all of myself to her, and she lops me off one piece at a time in tribute to her pagan love deity. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #marriage #sacrifice #funny

I like using big words because it gets a response out of people. They say, 'Was that an insult?' Soon I'll have enough scars to make an impression as the strong, silent type. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #vocabulary #funny

I want to do a comedy routine full of inside jokes. The people standing out in the rain won’t appreciate them, but neither will audience members lacking a self-effacing streak. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I would rather die than be a plumber, but thanks to lead I can do both. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #plumbing #funny

Rioter: a person who wants dinner, and needs a TV to eat it with. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #rioting #funny