#funny

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. ↗

— Billy Connolly

#always #army #does #go #i

Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#flirty #funny #funny

When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#door #figure #figure-out #funny #humor

I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up and excited. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#excited #funny #name #ridiculous #funny

A poem for Beth: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I didn’t know what love meant, until I looked it up in the dictionary.

 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #poem #poet #poetry

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny. ↗

— Dane Cook

#funny #make #say #tact #then

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. ↗

— Steven Wright

#country #cross #cross country #great #live

A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #love #suffocation #funny

Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#puck #funny

Hitler: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you just saved my life. The Doctor: Believe me... It was an accident. ↗

— Steven Moffat

#dr-who #funny #hitler #tardis #funny