#funny

It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #penis #typing #change

I'm 27. I feel like I get it. I'm OK with being sexy if I feel like it. Some days I'm brainy, some days I'm funny, some days I'm sexy, and sometimes, I just want to dance. ↗

— Nelly Furtado

#brainy #dance #days #feel #funny

To be the best, you have to be willing to do what nobody does. And today, if nobody reads and nobody works hard, then you also have to give up reading and become lethargic to be successful. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #lethargic #reading #success #change

When I see a poor person I think of me, and then I think, maybe I should pay my clones for all the work they do for me. Then I think, nah, they’re only slaves. Through my clones, I am a slave to myself.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #poor #slaves

It's a funny thing - when I'm crazed with work, spending time with my children relaxes me. Yet, at the end of a long weekend with them, the very thing I need to relax is a little work and time away from them! ↗

— Emily Giffin

#children #crazed #end #funny #funny thing

Sometimes I ask myself, "Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it matters most?" And that answer, I'm afraid, is silence. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#courage #funny #humor #silence #courage

To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dinner #funny #humor #perfect-date #sex

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever. ↗

— Gilbert Gottfried

#being funny #comedian #funny #given #i

You didn't want to laugh, did you? It wasn't very funny, was it? ↗

— Graham Kennedy

#funny #laugh #very #want #you

I do like any kind of project that has both comedy and drama in it because in life you don't have one day where everything is funny then the next day everything is dramatic. ↗

— Topher Grace

#because #both #comedy #day #drama