#funny

I went to a homosexual high school. I graduated top in my class. I couldn't imagine being on the bottom.
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— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Oh you rebel you! ↗

— Mallory hopkins

#funny #hailey-larsen #inside-joke #love #rebel

I had a dream about you. We were babysitting for a family of mannequins, and we were arguing over what to feed them. You wanted to feed them organic food, but I said, “Why waste real food on fake people?” In the end you agreed, and we served them a genetically modified dinner.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Every time the wind blows I think of her. I wonder if I could generate electricity off my yearning. Maybe a mind wind farm of some kind. Hopefully I could provide enough power for all the lonely people in my bathtub to stay warm. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#electricity #funny #humor #lonely #power

I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hermaphrodite #humor #respect #change

Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?" "Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless. ↗

— Molly Harper

#internet #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #sarcasm

I have a book of matches. I wrote it myself. The Spanish Inquisitors would love to burn it.
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— Jarod Kintz

#burning-books #funny #humor #matches #spanish-inquisitors

The Princess Bride S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure You had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it. ↗

— William Goldman

#authors #funny #high-expectations #narrative #princess-bride

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name. ↗

— Rucy Ban

#funny #humor #love #romantic #witty