#funny

Hundreds of words await ostracism from our functional vocabularies: waltz and fizz and squeeze and booze and frozen pizza pie, frizzy and fuzzy and dizzy and duzzy, the visualization of emphyzeema-zapped Tarzans, wheezing and sneezing, holding glazed and anodized bazookas, seized by all the bizarrities of this zany zone we call home. Dazed or zombified citizens who recognize hazardous organizations of zealots in their hazy midst, too late - too late to size down. Immobilized we iz. Minimalized. Paralyzed. Zip Zap. ZZZZZZZZZ. Crazy. Crazy. Did I say crazy? ↗

— Mark Dunn

#z #funny

What are you doing with all these books?" I asked, stepping towards a tall stack on the floor. I ran my fingers down the spines, recognizing a few familiar titles from School: Heart of Darkness, The Great Gatsby, and To the Lighthouse. Caleb came beside me, his warm shoulder brushing against mine. "I do this funny thing sometimes," she said, shooting me a mischievous grin. "I open a book, and I look at each page. It's called reading ↗

— Anna Carey

#future #teenage #funny

Don't confuse efforts with results.... ↗

— C P Sennett

#sales #funny

And just before I go to sleep, I'll think of sentences that don't contain words like Hoover, Jogging, and Heart Transplant ↗

— Kirsten Gier

#gideon #qweneth #funny

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Quite a lot is a large amount but quite a few is also a large amount. ↗

— Teresa Monachino

#funny #teresa-monachino #wordplay #words-fail-me #funny

Pie in a bed of raw onions. Human skull looking put-upon. -- Howl ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor #funny

the answer to every problem involved penguins ↗

— Rick Riordan

#penguins #funny

We may not be all that bright, Jace said, but at least we are alive. ↗