#funny

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#meghan #puck #funny

He loves weed like Alaska loves sex," the Colonel said. "This is a man who once constructed a bong using only the barrel of an air rifle, a ripe pear, and an eight-by-ten glossy photograph of Anna Kournikova. Not the brightest gem in the jewelry shop, but you've got to admire his single-minded dedication to drug abuse. ↗

— John Green

#funny

Flutters awakened inside her as he fitted his hands at her waist. "What if I don't like it? What if I want you to stop?" "You'll have a safe word. The second you say it, I'll stop." "What if I forget my safe word?" His lips twitched. "All you have to do is answer a security question, and I'll send you an e-mail to reset it. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#funny #humor #jason #justine #kinbaku

I'm simpley one hell of a butler. ↗

— Sebastian Michealis

#black #butler #funny #hell #i-m

I do not simply imagine that I am cultivated - I pretend as well. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #imagination #pretending #funny

It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much. ↗

— Bauvard

#exercise #funny #humor #outdoors #wind

Y are you called the cheese man? ↗

— Barbara Park

#funny #humor #funny

Así es. ¿Sabes?, Bianca di Angelo no es la única que tiene un hermano irritante. Ya va siendo hora de que conozcas a mi muy irresponsable gemelo. Apolo. - Artemisa. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #humor #mithology #young-adults #funny

Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#heart #humour #random #funny

Bad relationships are not lucrative at all. There is far more at stake in good relationships. Good relationships keep divorces protracted, psychologists employed, and children in jail where they belong. Without them society would collapse! ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #marriage #relationships #society #therapy