#funny

His handsome face is suffused with rage. He stands before me shaking, then to my disgust, bursts into noisy tears; "I shall tell my mother of you!" he sobs and crashes out of the chamber ↗

— Alison Weir

#funny #guilford-dudley #innocent-traitor #jane-grey #funny

A little vanilla never hurt anybody.” He nipped her ankle. “Great shoes by the way. Sexy as hell. ↗

— Hanna Lui

#erotic-literature #erotic-romance #erotica #funny #funny

For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common. ↗

— Megan Boyle

#funny

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs? Sure thing, Pastor. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#funny #funny

Funny way to spend your life, though, studying another chap's versifying. ↗

— A.S. Byatt

#funny

...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps. ↗

— Jimmy Gownley

#funny

Don't get me wrong. Sacramento is a lovely place, particularly for those with a fondness for methamphetamines. For the meth-addled, Sacramento had conveniently placed a Greyhound bus station just yards from the statehouse where Austria's finest was sworn in as governor of the great state of California. ↗

— J. Maarten Troost

#meth #sacramento #funny

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual. ↗

— Carrie Harris

#football #funny #manual #nerd #funny

Groupies? Did BDSM have groupies? ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#funny

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #progress #funny