#funny

I snuck a look to see how Eric was taking this, and he was staring at me the same way the Monroe vampires had. Thoughtful. Hungry. "That's interesting," he said. "I had a psychic once. It was incredible." "Did the psychic think so? ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-eric #funny

Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And after accumulating and culminating it, all I can say is, “Ahhhhh! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #life #experience

I want to go to all the topless bars in America and try to sell every single one of them a roof. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #topless-bars #funny

I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humour #funny

No headboards were broken. ↗

— John Green

#humor #twilight #funny

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl. ↗

— Norm MacDonald

#doing #fall #funny #girl #i

I had to say it gave me a warm feeling to picture Meredith Winslow spending twenty years or so in an ill fitting orange jumpsuit, cozying up to a great big girl named Beulah ↗

— Kate Carlisle

#funny #kate-carlisle #funny

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ↗

— Don Marquis

#art #keeping #procrastination #up #yesterday

The pockmarked and chalk-white sidewalk was like the surface of the moon, and I felt like Neil Armstrong as I walked along in my space boots and white helmet with my visor flipped down. Of course in zero gravity, Neil probably had a more impressive erection than I did at that moment. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny