#funny

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#funny #sarcastic #funny

I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dancing #funny #greed #greedy #humor

Wouldn't have pegged you for a dancer," he spoke to my mind "Funny, I would have pegged you for a stalker," I shot back. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#nora #funny

He stared at her neck. Realization pulsed. He was looking at the bite he had given her. A hard length was growing against her hip. “So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me?” No, she did not just say that. Did she? ↗

— Thea Harrison

#funny #pia #funny

WHY ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO? YOU SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT U-NO-POO- THE CONSTIPATION SENSATION THAT'S GRIPPING THE NATION! Harry started to laugh. He heard a weak sort of moan beside him and looked round to see Mrs. Weasley gazing, dumbfounded, at the poster. Her lips moved, silently mouthing the name 'U-No-Poo. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fred-and-george #funny #funny

So hologram means--" I finally said. "It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #corporeal #funny #hex-hall #hologram

With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can indeed move a mountain, but you can hardly be expected to garnish your sandwich. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#faith #funny #humor #mountains #mustard-seed

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. ↗

— Quentin Crisp

#funny thing #grave #happened #life #me

Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#corruption #crime #criminal #crooked #filthy

Nice costume," he said. "Ditto. I can tell you put a lot of thought into yours." Amusement curled his mouth. "If you don't like it, I can take it off. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#finale #funny #hush-hush #love #nora-grey