#funny

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#day #even now #five #grandmother #hell

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#be kind #bullying #comedy #else #example

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#accountant #always #ask #child #i

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#barbie #buzz #cut #i #i think

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#being #being funny #being myself #decided #everything

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#arena #awards #delicate #fill #funny

I got to draw monsters, robots and write funny stories. I loved doing that stuff and working with the actors. But it got to be less and less that stuff and more about trying to be everywhere and not being able to do one thing very enjoyably. ↗

— Jhonen Vasquez

#about #being #doing #draw #everywhere

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. ↗

— Bill Vaughan

#buy #happiness #large #money #pay

Imagine a world where everything is free, then seek counseling. That’s too much death to be thinking about. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #money #death

How are you feeling?" I leaned away from him. "Gross." Aiden frowned. "Gross?" "I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me." He laughed. "Alex, come on." "Seriously, I'm gross." I put my hand over my mouth. Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex." I stared at him. He must not get out much. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#alex #funny #humor #sarcasm #beauty