#funny

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way. ↗

— Jimmy Carr

#animalistic #any #back #because #catholic

I don't need to convince anybody that I know kung fu, but maybe somebody needs to know that I really can act, without doing a Chinese accent or a funny walk. ↗

— David Carradine

#act #anybody #body needs #chinese #convince

We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? ↗

— Dana Carvey

#analyzing #citizen #citizen kane #collect #college

If I could ever be on a Missy Elliott record, I could then die. Missy Elliott, Mary J. Blige - I love hearing them interviewed, I love the way they talk about their art. They're very self-assured, they're funny, they're inviting. I love it. ↗

— Neko Case

#art #blige #could #die #elliott

By educating me at home, my parents were able to give me individualized attention without the usual distractions that kids in regular school experience, like dating and friendship. Not to mention that traditional school can be dangerous. I’ve heard about kids catching the flu and chicken pox, even Judaism. And how about those poor kids lugging all those heavy books to and from school every day? My books never went anywhere, just like me. I felt so bad when I’d see kids on my street giggling and chasing each other around with those awkward backpacks. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#homeschooling #humor #satire #dating

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off. * If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life. * Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian. ↗

— Etienne Guerin DeForest

#funny-quotes #humor #zombie #zombie-apocalypse #zombies

I have never been hurt by what I have not said. ↗

— Calvin Coolidge

#been #hurt #i #never #said

If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast. ↗

— Amber Valletta

#fast #funny #intelligent #means #working

It's funny, because I never think of myself as Little Miss All-Together. ↗

— Courteney Cox

#funny #i #little #miss #myself

When I was a kid I didn't feel like I fit in because - this is really silly and I probably shouldn't say it, but, I didn't think anything was funny. So I used to go home and literally cry to my mom and my step-dad at the time and I didn't think anything was funny. I couldn't laugh. ↗

— Courteney Cox

#because #cry #feel #fit #funny