#funny

There you have it: our lives in a nutshell. Emphasis on nut. ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #life #lol #nuts #funny

The Rusty Ruins were the remains of an old city, a hulking reminder of back when there'd been way too many people, and everyone was incredibly stupid. And ugly. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#humor #ruins #rusty #funny

Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #suburban #urban #funny

My self-confidence can be measured out in teaspoons mixed into my poetry, and it still always tastes funny in my mouth. ↗

— Sarah Kay

#funny

Oh, and I need to known where Jersey is and if I have enough money to buy it. ↗

— Anna Banks

#funny #humor #of-poseidon #funny

There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality. ↗

— Anton Chekhov

#funny #inspiring #funny

You are the devil to talk to, Rachel," he said curtly. "Will you shut up and listen? ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #funny

Every so often I would look at my women friends who were happily married and didn't cook, and I would always find myself wondering how they did it. Would anyone love me if I couldn't cook? I always thought cooking was part of the package: Step right up, it's Rachel Samstat, she's bright, she's funny and she can cook! ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humor #marriage #funny

Make sure the seaweed lies flat.' 'Okay.' 'Leave an inch below the knee.' 'Okay.' 'It's got to be loose enough to put a finger in the top.' 'Sean Kendrick.' I say it emphatically enough that the stallion's ears prick toward me. (...) Sean doesn't appear to be at all apologetic. 'I think you'd better let me do that after all.' 'You're the one who had me in here in the first place.' I say. 'Now I think it's you who doesn't trust me.' 'It's not just you,' He replies. I glower at him. 'Well, I'll tell you what. I'll hold him and you wrap. That way, when it's done wrong, there's only yourself to slap. And take your jacket. I'm tired of holding it. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#funny #puck #sean #wrap #funny

Kate stood by the door with her arms crossed. That was an anti-Curran pose. What the hell was the Beast Lord doing here? I padded to the door. “First, you didn’t come home.” Curran’s voice held zero humor. “Second, I’m told that my mate is lingering in Raphael’s house. There can’t be any good reason for you to be here.” “Are you spying on me, Your Furriness?” Kate asked. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #gunmetal-magic #kate-daniels #snark #funny