#funny

I want you to say dreadfully mad, funny things and make up songs and be--' The Will I fell in love with, she almost said. "And be Will," she finished instead. "Or I shall hit you with my umbrella." *** "You would make a very ugly woman." "I would not. I would be stunning." Tessa laughed. “There,” she said. “There is Will. Isn’t that better? Don’t you think so?” “I don’t know,” Will said, eyeing her. “I’m afraid to answer that. I’ve heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #funny

All I can think about is bed." "We're sharing the same thought." "You're thinking about bed too?" But Patch had told me that he rarely slept. "I'm thinking about you in my bed. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#finale #funny #hush-hush #love #nora-and-patch

I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #music #funny

Claire said. “I might be able to get him to stop.” “Who, crazy dude? Maybe. Or he might pull your head off,” Shane said. “I kind of worry.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah?” “A little bit.” “That’s …nice.” He studied her, and returned the smile. “Yeah,” he said. “Kind of is, actually. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

Look," I whisper to Cat, "Shooting star! That's good luck." She rolls her eyes. "It's a plane, you idiot," she says, and when I look again I can see that she's right. Typical. ↗

— Cathy Cassidy

#funny-humor #lucky-star #mouse #funny

They say money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye sucker. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#funny #romance #funny

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use. ↗

— Mark Twain

#funny #humour #review #funny

I love apricots. They’re so fuzzy they’re furry. They’re like little pets you can eat legally. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #furry #pets #funny

No matter how hard you try looking for love, Orafoura once told me, the last place you’ll find it is in another man’s ass. But that may not be true, because the last time I lost my boxing gloves, that’s exactly where I found them. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

As young as I look, I think it will still be funny if I played a person who's kind of tortured and hates his life. Kind of like a Larry David-type thing. ↗

— Andy Milonakis

#hates #his #i #i think #kind