#funny

Never fight an inanimate object. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#fight #inanimate #never #object

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. ↗

— P. J. O'Rourke

#any #become #becomes #children #cruelty

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. ↗

— David Ogilvy

#come #funny #ideas #jokes #make

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many—a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you—all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn’t think so either. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has no money, but you had to find out the hard way.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath sent to extinguish your light. I felt like God’s wrath coming down to destroy the Illuminati, while you probably thought I was the Satan coming to snuff out the light of the world. And the spectators who were gathered around the spectacle probably thought it was all one big party, as they stood still like mindless zombies singing “Happy Birthday.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music. ↗

— Tom Petty

#afford #because #being #copied #enraged

I am so like Donna it's funny. And most of my friends are guys too. ↗

— Laura Prepon

#donna #friends #funny #guys #i

Everybody's funny in different ways. ↗

— Colin Quinn

#different ways #everybody #funny #ways

He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be. ↗

— Colin Quinn

#also #dry #feel #funny #good