#funny

What did your mom say?" "She said I better not be pregnant." Janie snorts. "What the hell is wrong with our parents, anyway? Wait -- you're not, are you?" "Of course not! Sheesh, Janers! I may not have gotten the best grades in school, but I'm not stupid. You know I'm on the Pill. And his Jimmy doesn't get near me without a raincoat, yadamean? Ain't nothin' getting through my little fortress! ↗

— Lisa McMann

#dream-catcher #funny #gone #janers #janie

You know what I used to dream about, in stir?" His voice was hoarse, the words low and fast and faintly guttural. "I used to dream about you. You were the only clean and good and decent thing left in my life, and I would dream about you. I used to dream about taking your clothes off piece by piece, and what you would look like naked, and how it would feel to fuck you really good. I used to dream about that in high school, too. In fact, I got off almost every night for the last fourteen years, dreaming about you." Rachel's lips parted with shock. Speechless, she stared at him wide-eyed for what seemed an eternity while her heart suddenly hammered and her throat went dry. "I'm fucking tired of dreaming, ↗

— Karen Robards

#funny #sex #dreams

Quirky, funny, happy-go-lucky dead inside Dexter. No longer Dexter with the knife, Dexter the Avenger. Not until next time. ↗

— Jeff Lindsay

#next-time #quirky #dreams

The first thing she told me after I hit on her was that she had a boyfriend of nine months, and I thought, what kind of sick bitch dates infants? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #dating

She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the most potent, sanity- destroying substance in the universe. ↗

— Linda Howard

#love #experience

You guys dated, didn’t you?” “Are you insane? Not even if the continuation of our kind depended on it would I be tempted to do something so awful. ↗

— Rachel Morgan

#faerie-guardian #funny #dating

With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing. ↗

— Criss Jami

#composure #contentment #education #education-system #freedom

Although initially only few in numbers, it seems my gray hairs have launched an effective peer-pressure campaign intended to convert the others. ↗

— Steve Maraboli

#funny #gray-hair #humor #peer-pressure #experience

Can I buy you an ice cream beforeI take you home? I feel like it’s the least I can do after scaring your shirt off. ↗

— Tamara Summers

#dating

I would have taken Zeb, purely for entertainment value, but he had an actual date, with a real girl. That hadn't happened in a while, so I was a good friend and put my own needs second to the possibility of him actual sex with a real girl. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #sex #zeb