#funny

Me: "it does not taste like God Himself cooked heaven into a series of five dishes which were then served to you accompanied by several luminous balls of fermented, bubbly plasma while actual and literal flower petals floated down all around you canal-siide dinner table." Gus: "Nicely phrased" Gus's father: Our children are weird." My dad: "Nicely phrased ↗

— John Green

#funny

To be, or not to be: what a question! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#faust #funny #humor #marlowe #philosophical-humor

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#dark-humor #ego #egotism #egotist #funny

Love is a fairytale blah, blah, blah. ↗

— Jessica Fortunato

#fairytale #funny #heart #love #sarcasm-humor

The only thing more amorous than pretending to be marriage partners is pretending to be capitalist ones. Money is less essential for success in capitalism than in marriage, so you can amuse yourself without worry. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #marriage #money

Well blow me down with a solar flare. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #random #silly #funny

Oh.” My dad actually looked sheepish. “It’s one o’clock in the morning and I was going to tell you to shut the monkey up and go to bed. I didn’t realise what was going on in here.” “What’s going on in here?” Cameron asked suspiciously. “Maturity.” My dad backed out of the room and closed the door. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

It is degrading to encourage something you would never do yourself. That is why I never give advice to young people. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humiliation #humor #youth #funny

It was a good thing Ridge was mighty fond of Tug or he’d probably have killed him by now. As it was, it had been touch and go for a little while that morning. But killing your lover on Christmas morning was so…so…heterosexual. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#funny

Mass narcolepsy is one of the more fortunate side effects of profundity. It ensures everyone will have a singular awareness of life that won’t overlap with yours. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #narcolepsy #profundity #sleeping #funny