#funny

Can you put your hands on my crotch?” “Why, hell no, I cannot.” I didn’t remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #funny

A man without debts is a man without anything to live for. Debt is collateral for life. It provides you with obligations to others, gives you duty, gives you purpose: the purpose to protect those possessions which you would not otherwise have without your debt. Debt is the most responsible way to elevate your social position. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #life #responsibility #funny

A blanket could be used at the end of meetings, to wrap things up—sort of like a big office burrito of productivity.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to smash my bottled up rage, and a blanket could be laid down beforehand to catch the shards. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Hey, check this weirdo out." Hi was inspecting a bust on the mantel. "This face is ninety percent eyebrow. What do you want to bet he owned slaves?" Scowling to match the carving's expression, Hi spoke in a gravelly voice. "In my day, we ate the poor people. We had a giant outdoor grill, and we cooked up peasant steaks every Sunday." ↗

— Kathy Reichs

#funny #hi #humor #kathy-reichs #poor-people

I didn't do anything wrong. I swear.' He grunted. 'Like I've never heard that before. Funny, but I expected a little more originality from Moira's daughter.' 'Yeah, well, the dog ate my notebook with all my good excuses. ↗

— Mindee Arnett

#funny #humorous #quote #funny

I gave a relenting sigh. "Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's." Pj's that consisted of nothing but a tank top and boy shorts--an image I didn't want to sear into Scott's mind. Scott smiled. "I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter." Ugh. The dimple in his cheek deepened. And it was not in any way cute... pg 196 ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#nora-grey-and-scott #funny

Day drag." Ashley answered simply. "The sun turns vampires into dust and drag queens into this." He motioned with his hand down his body. ↗

— Kyle Adams

#drag-queen #funny #gay #glbt #mm

Sacrifice without sweat is a double appearance, but only half an illusion. People think you've done good, but they know you look good. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sacrifice #funny

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face. ↗

— Bauvard

#happiness #humor #love #sleep #smiling