#funny

Sex with me has been described by more than one person as “Like making love to a brick.” Of course, you’re probably skeptical, because all men boast—exaggerate—about their sexual prowess. Rest assured, if that’s not the truth, it’s only because it’s an overstatement. A brick actually moves around more than I do.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor #love #sex

I am familiar with the modern world – of thirty years ago. Since then, I have stayed modern and the world has accelerated into the dark ages. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #medievalism #modernity #old-fashioned

Yes! Yes! There's the attitude. Where was that girl during the race? Off getting sushi? ↗

— Doug Solter

#funny-quotes #girl-power #motor-racing #sushi #attitude

They'll say, That's funny, but you can't do that on TV. ↗

— Shawn Wayans

#say #tv #you

Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal. ↗

— Bauvard

#fasting #funny #humor #funny

I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been.” –Enid Healy ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#hilarious #funny

I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beautiful-girl #funny #guy #humor #jerk

Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic. ↗

— Will McIntosh

#humor #sarcastic #funny

I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else. ↗

— Gene Wilder

#anything #being #camera #else #funny

The funny thing is that I had never actually watched TV. ↗

— Dave Willis

#funny #funny thing #had #i #never