#funny

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ↗

— Will Rogers

#humor #mean #funny

Hasn’t anyone ever told you,” Jesse asked, in a semi-amused voice, “ that a gentleman never lays a hand on a lady?” Which I thought was kind of funny, considering where Jesse had had his hand the last time I’d seen him. But I thought it better to let that slide. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties. ↗

— Fran Lebowitz

#humour #funny

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #maniac #psycho #running #vampire

Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes... ↗

— L.J. Smith

#funny

I want to write a book called, "Ten Steps to Asexuality." Of course, I recommend all those steps be taken in Birkenstock sandals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #write #funny

Rather than waste a whole day, I would rather spend it counting to 86,400. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#waste-of-time #funny

Pritkin muttered something that sounded fairly vicious. “My clothes are warded! Even if I wished to accede to your demand, it would not work on them.” “Then strip.” “I beg your pardon?” He sounded almost polite suddenly, as if he believed he couldn’t possibly have heard right. ↗

— Karen Chance

#funny #pritkin #funny

I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what year is it? I’ve been asleep since the 80s. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny