#funny

« Quote of the day: “Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel it». ↗

— Penny Reid

#friendship

Harper, I..." You don't have to say it." I don't?" I know." You know what?" I lean against him, nestling in the crook of his arm. I talk into his neck. I don't need to be able to see to find the parts of him I know. That morning in the trailer, when we had it to ourselves, and you made me breakfast, I wondered whether you would tell me you loved me, if you'd ever tell me, and I looked at you, and I thought you were going to say it, but instead you went off on a tangent about boysenberry jam." And?" And it was funny. And it was close enough to the real thing for me. Just sitting there with you like that." Boysenberry jam?" Boysenberry jam." Harper," he whispers into my hair. Yeah?" I boysenberry jam you. ↗

— Dana Reinhardt

#funny

We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn’t have enough time to have sex with me.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #relationships #sex

After that came her biggie: a triple murder--her dealer, the dealer's sister, and the dealer's sister's boyfriend. Reading that made me feel a little funny that we'd fucked and I'd loved her. ↗

— George Saunders

#humor #regret #love

I love you and I don’t care who knows it. I want to express your uninhibited self-promotion. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #love

I love Mormon boys! ↗

— Hailey Larsen

#love

You don’t understand,’ I said. ‘I need to be with her. With every fibre of my being I ache for her. I’m in love.’ ‘I do understand,’ said Zoran. ‘It was same for me with Mrs Zoran when I first meet her. But the feeling goes away after few hours. ↗

— Doug MacLeod

#romance #love

He followed her into the bathroom and sat on the shut toilet seat while she washed her back with a brush. "I forgot to tell you," he said. "Liza sent us a wheel of Brie." "That's nice," she said, "but you know what? Brie gives me terribly loose bowels." He hitched up his genitals and crossed his legs. "That's funny," he said. "It constipates me." That was their marriage then--not the highest paving of the stair, the clatter of Italian fountains, the wind in the alien olive trees, but this: a jay-naked male and female discussing their bowels. ↗

— John Cheever

#marriage #funny

My wife was always nagging me to wear my seat belt. I got tired of listening, so I spotted a pedestrian to take my place. As we passed each other through the windshield, I handed off my wedding ring. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #hit-and-runs #humor #marriage #marriage

What happened?" Wyatt asked Crystal, and stood back so the two of them could come inside out of the oppressive heat. "Why are you asking her?" Reed thumped past him. "I'm the one on crutches." "She'll tell me the truth," Wyatt said. "You'll just give me some bullshit story that will end with 'You should see the other guy'." "You wound me, bro" [Reed] "He tore his ACL the day before yesterday trying to do a stunt on a skateboard." [Crystal] "Mendoza dared him." [Luke Colter] "No one held a gun to the fool's head" [Mendoza] ↗

— Cindy Gerard

#black-ops #brotherhood #funny #men-being-boys #reunion