#funny

Before I found Minerva, I'd passed nights with more than my share of women." Thorne groaned. Don't. Just don't. "I've passed time with duchesses and farm girls, and it doesn't matter whether their skirts are silk or homespun. Once you get them bare--" Thorne drew up short. "If you start in on rivers of silk and alabaster orbs, I will have to hit you. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#silver-tongued-devil #funny

No punching?" he asked. "No." "No kicking?" "No." "How about arm wrestling?" "No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs." Fate Succumbs ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny

You ‘accidentally’ touched his bottom? Didn’t that happen when you last saw him as well? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem. ↗

— Twisted Hilarity

#funny

Where is the pizza I ordered 33 minutes ago? I specifically called for pizza to be delivered. The pizza’s missing, and so is the delivery guy. I hope nobody finds his body in the woods, naked, with extra pepperoni covering his nipples. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#naked #pizza #funny

I'm still a nobody, when am I not going to be a nobody? ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#questions-in-life #struggles #funny

Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over. ↗

— Andrew Grey

#funny #sex #funny

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. ↗

— Stephen King

#funny #humourous #funny

I'm never wrong, except when I'm wrong. ↗

— Ben D.

#funny

You're kidding, right?" Ezra barked. "We're not just going to wait." "I suppose we could help people clean up a bit," "Girl!" Ezra called out. "Big eyes!" Winter turned from what she was looking at. "Are you talking to me? ↗

— Obert Skye

#funny

I like mountains, always have done. Big obstinate bits of rock sticking up where they're not wanted and getting in folk's way. Great. Climbing them is a different matter altogether though. I hate that. ↗

— Mark Lawrence

#funny #humour #mountains #funny