#funny

Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#funny

Why is abbreviation such a long word? ↗

— Teresa Monachino

#funny #teresa-monachino #wordplay #words-fail-me #funny

A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #sex-toy #funny

Vic knelt by Lucas's side. "You look like crap, by the way." "Thanks for breaking it to me gently." Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#funny

If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#funny #ironic #rosemary-and-rue #seanan-mcguire #funny

I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fear #funny #palindromes #funny

Don't look now, but that's my ex over there." Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked. "Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#ex #funny #rabbit #funny

I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it. ↗

— C.J. Redwine

#funny #funny

I sat on the bed. Neither of us said anything. I wasn't slick and sophisticated enough for this. What do you say to boyfriend A when he finds you naked in the bed of boyfriend B? Especially if boyfriend A turned into a monster the night before and ate someone. I bet Miss Manners didn't cover this at all. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #miss-manners #polyamory #sex #funny

I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grandpa #old-people #funny