#funny

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#mystery #stephanie-plum #funny

Setting out around midnight, I couldn't help shaking my head, "We're the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever." I muttered. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

Leggo my Eggo! ↗

— Kellogg

#funny #food

Dishwashers are an affront to good hygiene. Families today have no concept of the value of washing mouths out by hand. ↗

— Bauvard

#family #funny #humor #hygiene #family

Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born. ↗

— Dakota Dawn

#funny #humor #truth #wisdom #family

Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #parenting #funny

I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #success #funny

Funny, 'ow you can 'old a jewel in your 'and, and toss it away, and not even know what you 'ad until it's gone. ↗

— Jennifer Donnelly

#funny

A blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small knife, or really sharp teeth, and is able to chew through the cloth separating him from our American freedom. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. ↗

— George Carlin

#god #humor #funny