#funny

Six minutes isn’t sex,” I hear him saying as my eyes crash shut. “Six minutes is a boiled egg. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#nathaniel #samantha-sweeting #sex #funny

I'm a librarian in town,' she began. 'You sure about that?' The words popped out before he could stop them. Annabelle raised her eyebrows. 'Fairly. It's my job and so far no one has told me to go away when I show up for work.' smooth, Stryker, he thought, very smooth. 'I was expecting someone wearing glasses. You know. Because librarians read a lot.' The raised eyebrows turned into a frown. 'You need to get out of the barn more. ↗

— Susan Mallery

#awkward-encounters #foot-in-mouth #funny #librarians #shane

It was a little difficult to take him seriously when he sang along to a song about a woman taking another woman's man. ↗

— Holly Hood

#humor #funny

Actually, I wouldn't mind a Malibu and coke." "You're having a fucking pint." "Is my choice of drink too gay for you?" "Malibu and coke is a pussy drink. Last I heard you were strictly anti-pussy. ↗

— L.A. Gilbert

#hilariousness #non-p-c #funny

I think you're crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary." His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we start walking again, his step a little lighter than it was before. It feels strange to have that kind of power over someone. "I mean, you're crazy good at it for a stoner who couldn't seem to get his shit together academically at all," I add. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#drugs #funny #humor #survival #funny

The strongest should come first in comedy because once a character is really established as funny everything he does is funny. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#funny

Why is she afraid?" he asked. "She's not Anjin-san. Just a little nervous. Please excuse her. She's never seen a foreigner close to before." "Tell her when the moon's full, barbarians sprout horns and fire comes out of our mouths like dragons. ↗

— James Clavell

#humor #funny

I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invited. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#honor #humor #parade #funny

Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #humor #relationship #funny

I don’t like crude oil, because it’s so vulgar. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #oil #vulgar #funny