#funny

I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hermaphrodite #humor #respect #change

Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?" "Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless. ↗

— Molly Harper

#internet #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #sarcasm

Što je našao u tebi, pitala me moja majka? Što si našao u meni? Ne seri. ↗

— Vedrana Rudan

#humor #love #relationships #love

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #women #funny

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humor #humorous #irony #satire

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essays #funny #hilarious #humor

For native wit, I only chuckle in American comedy clubs. The jokes about reservations and alcoholism make me feel ashamed, but I don’t want to offend anybody. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #native-americans #funny

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#factory #funny #humor #kids #labor

All I have to say about love can be summed up in nine words: Never wipe your ass before you take a shit. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Arthur shook his head and sat down. He looked up. “I thought you must be dead …” he said simply. “So did I for a while,” said Ford, “and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #lemon #funny