#funny

It’s a training camp,” Leo realized. He looked at Aphros in awe. “You train heroes, the same way Chiron does?” Aphros nodded, a glint of pride in his eyes. “We have trained all the famous mer-heroes! Name a merhero, and we have trained him or her!” “Oh, sure,” Leo said. “Like…um, the Little Mermaid? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #lol #omg-leo-ashjagshja #funny

Still nothing," Raven answered "This is shitty. We are going to have to invest in heat sensors. These motion detectors blow Satan's left nut. ↗

— Gabrielle Evans

#humor #serious #faith

I’m not interested in driving a racecar, but I would love to cruise around in a palindrome. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#palindrome #racecar #funny

I want everyone to throw sugar and cream at each other, then lie about it. I want to attend an ice cream antisocial. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #ice-cream #funny

Van was feeding Christian as we walked in the door. I shielded my hands in front of my face to prevent from seeing her bare breast. "God damn woman, put that tit away!" "I'm feeding my daughter. You want another taste?" I started gagging immediately just thinking about how bad that shit tasted. "Hell no! I would rather eat dog shit. ↗

— Jennifer Foor

#family #funny #family

And so that means..." "We have to rob the Henley," Simon said. Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again. ↗

— Ally Carter

#gabrielle #heist-socity #henley #kat #simon

LUKE: I didn’t know I ever had a grandfather. JESSICA: I am surprised you never inquired whether you should. Having a grandfather is an excellent way to establish a legacy for oneself. LUKE: In that case, I’d like five grandfathers. JESSICA: In due time. Grandfathers don’t grow on family trees. They require convincing documentation and consistent memories of wisdom and inspiration. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #grandfathers #humor #family

Patronymics were only added to a family heritage to obtain a dowry. Families kept one and squandered the other, but in the wrong order. ↗

— Bauvard

#family #funny #humor #patronymics #family

I come from a long line of miserable people. ↗

— Arlene Schindler

#family #funny #funny-but-true #humor #miserable

In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#family #father #florida #funny #humor