#funny

Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do. ↗

— Russell Brand

#funny #life #youth #funny

Only then did I see. Something was amiss with Patrick's snap-on one piece, or "onesie" as we manly dads like to call it. His chubby thighs, I now realized, were squeezed into the armholes, which were so tight they must have been cutting off his circulation. The collared neck hung between his legs like an udder. Up top, Patrick's head stuck out through the unsnapped crotch, and his arms were lost somewhere in the billowing pant legs. It was quite a look. ↗

— John Grogan

#john-grogan #funny

...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more. ↗

— Beth Revis

#life

My life needs editing. ↗

— Mort Sahl

#editing #life #my life #needs

I am who I say I am, I'm not some fantasy of how you think you think you know or who I ought to be. I am a girl who is growing up in my own sweet time, I am a girl who knows enough to know this life is mine. I am this and I am that and I am everything in-between. I'm a dreamer, I'm a dancer, I'm a part-time drama queen. I'm a worrier, I'm a warrior, I'm a loner and a friend, I'm an outspoken defender of justice to the end. I'm the girl in the mirror who likes the girl she sees, I'm the girl in the gypsy shawl with music in her knees. I'm a singer and a scholar, I'm a girl who has been kissed. I'm a solver of equations wearing bangles on my wrist. I am bigger than i ever knew, I am stronger than before, I am every girl I have ever been, and all that are in store. I am who I say I am. I'm not some fantasy. I am the me I am inside. I am who I chose to be. ↗

— James Howe

#funny #inspiring #poem #funny

Philosophizing: a term defined by logicians to denigrate lyric thinkers. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #logic #philosophy #funny

Buggeration, my arse is bruised beyond relief. ↗

— Arisu Riddle

#funny-formulation #funny

„Mademoiselle Colbert, willkommen im Maison Athène“, sagte die blonde Frau mit einer rauchig tiefen Stimme, die sie - ohne Anlauf - zum Star in jeder Telefonsexagentur gemacht hätte. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#humor #lustig #funny

I am prejudiced: I will never buy food for any minority, no matter how poor, if there is an adorable child with a sweet tooth nearby. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #racism #food

Its funny whenever people who have'nt seen me in years meet up with me again and they are surprised that I'm not as shy and quiet as I was in the past, I credit that to my years of drinking at bars and partys and conversing with people I would never useally talk to, it was then I relized that even without drinking I could still talk to people just as easy. But It is still a little funner with a few beers in me. ↗

— Kenny D. Eichenberg

#drinking #funny