#funny

I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, "At least he's not a complete boob. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#boob #costume #funny #humor #idiot

I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are. ↗

— William Faulkner

#harsh #ironic #funny

Never let go of a good thing without a fight. Especially if that good thing is a pair of boxing gloves. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fight #fight-quotes #fighting #fighting-quote #fighting-quotes

You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever. ↗

— Johnny Depp

#funny #silence #talking #funny

If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ask #fact #factor #fall-in-love #funny

Are you a female dog?" "What?" Massie asked. "Why?" "Because you are acting like a real bitch! ↗

— Lisi Harrison

#clique #comebacks #dog #female #fun

I've never really understood that. It's a funny thing; people sometimes accuse us of condescending to our characters somehow-that to me is kind of inexplicable. ↗

— Joel Coen

#characters #condescending #funny #funny thing #i

Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#depression #life #funny

Why is it beautiful that humanity keeps coming back? Herpes does that, too. ↗

— Isaac Marion

#funny #random #warm #beauty

I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cup #funny #humor #investment #life