#funny

When most of the greatest individuals in history were misunderstood and you've spent so much of your own adult life misunderstood, you can't help but believe that the majority of people know very little worth knowing. ↗

— Criss Jami

#funny #funny-but-true #genius #geniuses #gift

An hour and seven minutes after walking up. I stood with Noelle outside the Trust's house and prepared to raise my first -- and hopefully only -- demon. Three minutes after that I looked at my demon and burst into laughter. "What?" the demon asked, turning its head 360 degrees to examine itself "What's so Funny?" "Why is the Summoner laughing and crying at the same time? I don't see what's so funny. I'm a demon; where's my respect? Where's the fear and cowering before me? ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#funny

I heard a sermon admonishing people to practice more brotherly love, so I did. I'm still in jail. If I could only give young siblings today one piece of advice, it would be: ‘Don’t turn loyalty into a culturally universal taboo. Just give lip service. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #incest #love #funny

I love the sound of it," Trina whispers, as if speaking too loudly might interrupt the drumming patter of the rain outside. "It makes me want to sleep. Snuggle my head right up in your armpit and snore for three days." "My armpit?" Mark repeats. "Good thing we all showered up in the storm this morning. My pits smell like roses. Go ahead and get comfy. ↗

— James Dashner

#funny #sarcastic #funny

Laughter, Susannah would later reflect, is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny. ↗

— Stephen King

#funny

While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #humor #humorous #funny

Anytime there's a bad female stand-up somewhere, some dickhead Interblogger will deduce that "women aren't funny." Using that same math, I can state: Male comedy writers piss in cups. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #funny

People who agree to toil for minimum wage are natural slaves. But I’m not among that group. I volunteer to work for those slaves for free. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #slavery #work #funny

I want to volunteer for global flood relief without abandoning my mountaintop, so I’m making a really long straw. Preparation is everything. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #preparation #funny

Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #funny