#funny

If a gorgeous woman hits on me right off the bat, I’m suspicious. I wonder what she wants. If she hasn’t heard my wit, felt my charm, how could I appeal to her? I’m no Brad Pitt. So what is she after? Most likely it’s my horse cock. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #women #funny

Don’t be hating on my peacock. It’s just not right. - Kye ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows

Why would Dad call you? I mean, you have to admit that he would have been better off calling the local prison and asking them to send out one of the convicted killers to come find me. - Shella ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows

Even the Thanksgiving when her parents had just divorced, Hoosier Pie made the cut. ...They also, incidentally, made a pumpkin pie, but it fell on the floor, a classic example of survival of the fittest ↗

— Molly Wizenberg

#funny

Here. There. Everywhere." He leered at his friend. "Thinking about you and Moira's underwear. ↗

— Dana Marie Bell

#funny

His handsome face is suffused with rage. He stands before me shaking, then to my disgust, bursts into noisy tears; "I shall tell my mother of you!" he sobs and crashes out of the chamber ↗

— Alison Weir

#funny #guilford-dudley #innocent-traitor #jane-grey #funny

A little vanilla never hurt anybody.” He nipped her ankle. “Great shoes by the way. Sexy as hell. ↗

— Hanna Lui

#erotic-literature #erotic-romance #erotica #funny #funny

For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common. ↗

— Megan Boyle

#funny

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs? Sure thing, Pastor. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#funny #funny

Funny way to spend your life, though, studying another chap's versifying. ↗

— A.S. Byatt

#funny