#funny

A brick could be attached to a parachute and tossed out of an airplane, to test if it opens up properly. Well, the good news is the parachute worked as planned, but the bad news is the only other parachute on board is strapped to my back, and I’m afraid you’re going to have to return to your seat, buckle up, and assume the crash position. And while it may not be as useful as a functioning parachute, here’s a Rosary to aid you in your prayers. Also, before I jump out of the plane, I just remembered that I owe you a lot of money. Can I write you a check?
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

In one of his puckish moods Saul talked the president of a university into letting him anonymously take an examination being administered to candidates for a doctorate in community organization. "Three of the questions were on the philosophy of and motivations of Saul Alinsky," writes Saul. "I answered two of them incorrectly. ↗

— Nicholas von Hoffman

#community #funny #organization #political #radical

A blanket could be used as a screen to project animated bedtime stories onto, and also a place to project your fears about society not being accepting of adults who watch movies directed at an audience of four-year-olds. Trust me, I’ve been there—26 years ago. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I don't mean like balls-in-your-face or gifts of pornography and butt plugs romantic, just cute, over-the-pants, PG-13 movie stuff. ↗

— Frances Winkler

#funny-as-hell #pornography #romantic-comedy-weird #movies

I want to write a song based on my own childbirth. Of course, this is all a bit premature. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #music #song #music

Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#eddie-money #funny #humor #johnny-cash #last-name

A brick could be used as a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how bad it sounds, because I’ll be the band’s lead singer, and my sexy voice is like melted butter on a corn on the cob lodged directly into your anus. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Now I really feel sorry for her. Your hand is as bad as Rob’s paddle,” Cassie shuddered. “Thank you.” “I didn’t mean it as a compliment! ↗

— Breanna Hayse

#bdsm-daddy #erotic-romance #funny #kinky #spanking

Here,” I said, shoving the board into his hands. He started laughing. “WHAT are you laughing at?!” I demanded irritably. “Well, it’s just that… that’s going to hurt a bit, my dear. Go on, bend over. I’ll demonstrate. ↗

— Sadey Quinn

#erotica #funny #spanking #bdsm

I couldn't think of anything helpful to say, so I resorted to humor, my shield of last resort. 'Just please tell me they don't have a dog and a picket fence.' He smiled. 'No fence, but a dog, two dogs.' 'What kind of dogs?' I asked. He smiled and glanced at me, wanting to see my reaction. 'Maltese. Their names are Peeka and Boo.' 'Oh, shit, Edward, you're joking me.' 'Donna wants the dogs included in the engagement pictures.' I stared at him, and the look on my face seemed to amuse him. He laughed. 'I'm glad you're here, Anita, because I don't know a single other person who I'd have admitted this to. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#edward #funny #ted-forrester #funny