#funny

I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny #humor #sex #funny

I'm a sucker for a funny script. And then, as soon as I don't wanna be, one comes along and grabs me. ↗

— Meg Ryan

#comes #funny #grabs #i #me

Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals saying they don't eat clowns because the taste funny ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#funny

oh, my God," I whispered. "But how did they get my photo? Alex tapped his mouth with his thumb. "That ...book with everyone's picture in it, that you have in high school." "Yearbook," I said. Was he trying to be funny? But of course he was right; that's exactly where it was from. ↗

— L.A. Weatherly

#funny

I am a cremationist. I believe the world could be burned to ashes in six days, and by the seventh day we’d all be at rest. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

Clichés aren’t all truisms, but altruism is both. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

Dinner conversations with telemarketers are so much livelier than saying you’re not interested and then checking your new message afterwards. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loneliness #phones #telemarketing #funny

They say you can't square the circle, but I don't believe that. I'm melting the golden ratio into a molar. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #golden-ratio #humor #squares #teeth

I would strongly suggest that you fall in love, and I would use a lot of eye contact, soft words and light touching to give that advice. ↗

— Bauvard

#humorous #love #funny

Housewife: a position requiring great ambition to fill. Must have the determination to scrub mold, the good taste to distribute a checking account, and the good will to repeat this at a maid service or department store after her husband starts coming home drunk. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #marriage #wife #funny