#funny

Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #nose-job #one-liner #funny

I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#appearances #clueless #fear #fearless #funny

Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I've longed-- ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #funny #hex-hall #humor #mercer

It's funny looking at yourself. You know how it is when you look back at old pictures? It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14. ↗

— Jennifer Connelly

#back #funny #how #just #know

You know, it's a funny thing about writers. Most people don't stop to think of books being written by people much like themselves. They think that writers are all dead long ago--they don't expect to meet them in the street or out shopping. They know their stories but not their names, and certainly not their faces. And most writers like it that way. ↗

— Cornelia Funke

#funny

I guess it's true what they say. There are no straight men in the trenches." ~Jace ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #funny #humor #jace-wayland #misquoted

I didn't ask what you'd said about it," the frog snapped. "I asked what you're going to do. Nine times out of ten, talking is a way of avoiding doing things. ↗

— Patricia C. Wrede

#frog #funny #funny

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. ↗

— Billy Connolly

#always #army #does #go #i

Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#flirty #funny #funny