#funny

Is it just me, or do you also think this is unnatural behavior in a female parent? Isn't there a federal law that says mothers are not allowed to laugh at vulnerable male children when they are required to wear stupid clothing to work? There should be. ↗

— A.E. Cannon

#funny #guide #life #loser-s #love

Good morning, good morning, good morning," Loki chirped, wheeling in a table covered with silver domes. "What are you doing?" I asked, squinting at him. He'd pulled up the shades. I was tired a hell, and I was not happy. "I thought you two lovebirds would like breakfast," Loki said. "So I had the chef whip you up something fantastic." As he set up the table in the sitting area, he looked over at us. "Although you two are sleeping awfully far apart for newly weds." "Oh my god." I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. "You know, I think you're being a dick," Tove told him as he got out of bed. "But I'm starving. So I'm willing to overlook it. This time." "A dick?" Loki pretended to be offended. "I'm merely worried about your health. If your bodies aren't used to strenous activities, like a long night of love making, you could waste away if you don't get plenty of protein and rehydrate. I'm concerned for you." "Yes we both believe that's why you're here," Tove said sarcastically and took a glass of orange juice that Loki had just poured for him. "What about you princess?" Loki's gaze cut to me as he filled another glass. "I'm not hungry."I sighed and sat up. "Oh really?" Loki arched an eyebrow. "Does that mean that last night-" "It means last night is none of your business," I snapped. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#ascend #day-after #funny #loki #tove

You’re not going to campus. You’re going out to get drunk and play with other ladies’ boobies.” - Kye ↗

— Krista Alasti

#funny #humor #paranormal #paranormal-romance #shifters

Whatever my ancestors did to you, none of them consulted me. ↗

— Tad Williams

#funny #funny

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much. ↗

— Katie McGarry

#funny #karma #katie-mcgarry #pushing-the-limits #funny

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the Lowest crime rates in the country ↗

— Mayor Marion Barry

#stupid #wow #funny

Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #quotes #funny

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#humour #romance #young-adult #young-adult-romance #funny

You totally love him. He's your widdle snookums. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#paranormal-romance #romance #funny

I've always been led to believe that the ultimate goal for an author is the movie deal. Now I understand that the movie deal is merely a MEANS TO A MUCH HIGHER END: NAIL POLISH. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#hunger-games #nail-polish #funny