#funny

Isn't Glen an accountant? We're all frugal." These days, by necessity. "You might be frugal, but Glen is cheap. For Valentine's Day, he actually suggested that we go to a card shop, exchange cards in the aisle, then put them back because he didn't see the use in spending the money!" "Okay, that's cheap." Libby huffed. "I swear, if he cuts up my Bloomingdale's card, I'll cut off his pecker. ↗

— Stephanie Bond

#frugal #funny #funny

Startled, she said, “Oh, I thought you were somebody else.” “No,” I said, “I’m not somebody else—but my clone is.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fright #funny #humor #people #relationships

Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.” “I know. The problem is, he knows it, too. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money. ↗

— L. Frank Baum

#the-marvelous-land-of-oz #funny

Moreover, grandmothers of students who aren't doing so well in class are at even higher risk - students who are failing are fifty times more likely to lose a grandmother compared with non-failing students. In a paper exploring this sad connection, Adam speculates that the phenomenon is due to intrafamilial dynamics, which is to say, students' grandmothers care so much about their grandchildren that they worry themselves to death over the outcome of exams. ↗

— Dan Ariely

#dishonesty #funny #lying #death

Oh you rebel you! ↗

— Mallory hopkins

#funny #hailey-larsen #inside-joke #love #rebel

Kylee laughed. "Nothing with you is normal. But speaking of abnormal, I saw this movie where these two girls liked the same boy, and one girl was a werewolf, and the other was a dragon, although she didn't know it yet, and it turned out the boy was a killer of, like, magical creatures, so both girls died and he took the head cheerleader to prom." "That sounds like a stupid movie," I said. "It actually was. But the boy had this shirt off a lot. I guess hunting magical creatures is great for stomach muscles. ↗

— Lindsey Leavitt

#kylee-and-desi #movie #movies

Percy: I’ll walk down to the cabins and Connor and Travis are stealing stuff from the camp store, and Silena is arguing with Annabeth trying to give her a new makeover, and Clarisse is still sticking the new kids’ head into the toilets. It’s nice that some things never change. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#everyone #funny #normal #change

Agent Julianne was always looking for ways to spin things. She would have been better off owning a laundromat. ↗

— Jonas Eriksson

#hollywood #romance-funny #romantic-comedy #romantic

I always use the same pick-up line: I dial the phone number and when she picks up I say, “So aside from me, are there any other guys you’re talking to right now?” I get some good use out of it before she changes to an unlisted number. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #pickup-lines #stalking #change