#funny

At the age of four, I wanted to be eight. At the age of eight, I wanted to be 16. At the age of 16, when I started driving, I wanted to be a Ferrari. And now, at the age of middle, I want to be Stalin’s mustache and matching armpit hair. But only for personal reasons, not political. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #political #stalin #age

Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I would give you all my love, but I’m afraid I’d get nothing in return. And coming from you, nothing is simply much more than I want. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hero #humor #love #age

I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #passion #age

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#food #funny #honesty #humor #love

I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of lives more enjoyably. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #kill #love #war #age

I love mankind. And by mankind I mean women. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #mankind #age

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #age

If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age