#funny

Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace! ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#humor #funny

You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar! ↗

— Tina Fey

#funny

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #reading #sarcasm #funny

Jared told her he used to be an exotic dancer in San Francisco.' 'My body is a gift from God,' Jared said gravely. 'Except for my hips, which are clearly a gift from the devil. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor #funny

I flipped the good doctor the bird. Snorting, Gideon caught my hand and pulled me back down the hall. "What is it with you and giving people the finger?" "What? It's a classic. ↗

— Sylvia Day

#funny #gideon-cross #humor #funny

It's not common for a woman on television, especially if she's the mom of the family, to be funny. She's usually a straight man or foil. ↗

— Martha Plimpton

#especially #family #foil #funny #man

Never dance in a puddle when there's a hole in your shoe (it's always best to take your shoes off first). ↗

— John D. Rhodes

#dance #funny #humor #rain #shoes

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions. ↗

— Criss Jami

#being-yourself #clever #differences #everyone #funny

Oh please," Scout said."Don't take that tone with me. You know you'd love to have a minion. Someone at your beck and call. Someone to do your bidding. How many times have you said to yourself," Self, I need a unicorn to run errands and such? ↗

— Chloe Neill

#unicorn #funny

What’s so funny? (Astrid) I’m just thinking, here I am a slave who touched a star who then made him a demigod. I have to be the luckiest bastard who ever lived. (Zarek) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#love #luck #star #funny