#funny

A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #sex-toy #funny

Vic knelt by Lucas's side. "You look like crap, by the way." "Thanks for breaking it to me gently." Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#funny

If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#funny #ironic #rosemary-and-rue #seanan-mcguire #funny

I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fear #funny #palindromes #funny

Don't look now, but that's my ex over there." Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked. "Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#ex #funny #rabbit #funny

I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it. ↗

— C.J. Redwine

#funny #funny

I sat on the bed. Neither of us said anything. I wasn't slick and sophisticated enough for this. What do you say to boyfriend A when he finds you naked in the bed of boyfriend B? Especially if boyfriend A turned into a monster the night before and ate someone. I bet Miss Manners didn't cover this at all. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #miss-manners #polyamory #sex #funny

I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grandpa #old-people #funny

He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn’t!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way…wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I’m Ali. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#cole #funny #funny

Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#funny #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #funny