#funny

Grinning is something you do when you're entertained in some way, such as watching one you don't care for spill soda all over themselves. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #grinning #humorous #funny

I introduced myself thus: “My name is Moscow Moonlove. My friends call me Moss, Cow, Moo, Moon, or Tigerpants. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#introduction #random #funny

I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen. ↗

— Gary Larson

#funny #humor #inspirational #funny

Regin the Radiant and Emmaline Troy: 'Alrighty then, have it your way- you're on your own... Now, if you come across a leech, no offense, remember your training.' 'None taken. And would that be the sword training where you fly past my defenses and swat me on the ass, chirping, 'Dead!'? Another swat. 'Dead!'? Yeah, I'll get right on that.' 'No, that would be the training where you sprint like hell whenever you hear that I'm looking for you to train. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #romance #funny

I rolled my eyes. “Do all narcotics officers lack basic human compassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?” Trust Me ↗

— L.A. Witt

#funny

Mallory dropped her head to the steering wheel. "Look, I'm mad at you, okay? This isn't about me. I know my painful memories are relative. My life is good. I'm lucky. This isn't about how poor little Mallory has had it so hard. I'm not falling apart or anything." He stroked a hand down her back. "Of course you're not. You're just holding the steering wheel up with your head for a minute, that's all. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#poignant #funny

To stop smelling is to stop breathing; people only really inhale the essence of life when they pass gas. ↗

— Bauvard

#farting #funny #humor #life #funny

Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits. ↗

— Yahtzee Croshaw

#fans #funny-but-true #opinions #funny

Bella,leave the aggressive stuff to me." My heart quirks in my chest. I may not like this guy but that sounded so hot. "Um..." Focus,focus. "What? ↗

— Jenny B. Jones

#hot #sexy #funny

Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are guy. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon." "You noticed," said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#bisexual #cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #funny #gay