#harley

A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#life

He'd been in surgery for-like-ever, then in recovery, but they put him in a room because, despite the amount of blood loss, his wounds were no longer life threatening. "You here to get in my pants?" he asked. "You're not wearing any pants," I reminded him. "You're wearing a girly gown with a built-in ass ventilator. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#charley-davidson #garrett-swopes #life

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way. "It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee? ↗

— Darynda Jones

#coffee #humor #humor

My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#dead-people #funny-humor #funny

Longevity-and sanity. Eccentric old ladies on Harleys I can deal with. ↗

— Alison Larkin

#genetics #harleys #life #longevity #old-ladies

Twenty years ago I wanted to move to a nice place so our Charley would grow up a nice boy and learn a profession. But instead we live in a jungle, so he can only be a wild animal. D'you think I picked the East Side like Columbus picked America? ↗

— Abraham Polonsky

#america #animal #boy #charley #columbus

Since I didn't have a candy wrapper to help me with the bad connection I was about to have, I resorted to using vocal sound effects. When Agent Carson picked up, I started my performance. "Agent... Agent Carson," I said, panting into the phone. "Yes, Charley." She seemed unimpressed, but I wasn't about to stop now. "I--I know who the kshshshshshsh are." "I'm a little busy right now, Davidson. What is a Ksh, and why do I care?" "I'm sorry. My kshshsh... is kshshsh... ing." I repeat. What is a Ksh? And why do I care if it is ksh-ing?" She was a tough one. I knew I should have waited and bought a Butterfinger at the Jug-N-Chug. Those wrappers crakled like Rice Krispies on a Saturday morning. "You aren't listeni--kshshsh." "You're really bad at this." "Bank ro-ksh-ers. I know who they kshshsh." "Charley, if you don't cut this crap out." I hung up and turned off my phone before she could figure out what I was trying not to tell her and call back. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#charley-davidson #humour #business

Reyes, what happened?” He‘d been busy nibbling his way to my collarbone, his hot mouth evoking seismic activity at each point of contact. I really hated to interrupt, but … “Reyes, are you listening to me?” He raised his head, a sensual grin playing at the corners of his mouth, and said, “I‘m listening.” “To what? The sound of blood rushing to your nether regions?” “No,” he said with a husky chuckle that made me tingle everywhere. “To your heartbeat. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#reyes #business

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#darynda-jones #funny #shoot-out #funny

But give up my business? The same business I'd built from the ground up with my own two hands and designer Louis Vuittons? The same business for which I'd sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears? Well, maybe not sweat and tears, but there was blood. Lots of blood. Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#business