#hum

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool. ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor #memoir #humor

My God, these folks don't know how to love -- that's why they love so easily. ↗

— D.H. Lawrence

#love #relationships #love

When a man plans, a woman laughs. ↗

— David Wong

#humour #men #paraphrased #plans #women

Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. ↗

— Mark Twain

#wit #humor

Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked. "Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it." Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall. The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman. He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #humor

I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

Everyone is a little crazy. The only difference between us and them is that they hide it better. ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#humor

Rule number one of anime," Simon said. He sat propped up against a pile of pillows at the foot of his bed, a bag of potato chips in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He was wearing a black T-shirt that said I BLOGGED YOUR MOM and a pair of jeans that were ripped in one knee. "Never screw with a blind monk. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#blogging #humor #humor

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of un-hatched chicks. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor