#hum

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#humour #infidelity #parenthood #parenting #sexuality

It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humans #mankind #reality #funny

Headline?" he asked. "'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said. "'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said. "'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humour #internet #john-green #pedophile

You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #price #sale #funny

She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #funny

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#music #funny

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else. ↗

— Pseudonymous Bosch

#emotions #funny #humor #manga #provoke

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#america #drink #funny #humor #love

Sane is boring. ↗

— R.A. Salvatore

#crazy #forgotten-realms #funny #humor #jarlaxle

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humour #jokes #funny