#humor

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years. ↗

— Robert Orben

#humor #like #starts #then #wildfire

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff. ↗

— Robert Orben

#around #call #gentle #go #humor

I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #silly #snap #thumb #funny

Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. 'I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,' he explained, and pointed to the second sofa across the room. 'Unfortunately, it would appear that that is the sofa bed, and this, apparently, is just a sofa. ↗

— Derek Landy

#furniture #humor #humorous #mistakes #death

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-as-hell #funny-but-sad #funny-but-true #funny-humor #hilarious

OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!" *smack* J-just now, that made a really loud noise.." Do you wanna hear it again?" N-no, you'll just hit me again!" Kyo and Tohru ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#cook #fruits #funny #hit #humor

Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release. ↗

— Joaquin Phoenix

#discomfort #experience #funny #getting #horrible

Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace! ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#humor #funny