#humor

When it comes to most women I'm just experienced, but with priory nuns I'm a priori. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #nuns #sex

Trick.” I say a little louder. “Shhh, sleep baby.” He mumbles. I laugh and smack his arm. “Wake up. I can feel your morning wood.” This gets his attention and he sits up, taking me with him. The arms wrapped around my middle graze my breasts as he shifts up and a tingle shoots straight between my legs. “God, Caroline, I’m so...” He stops, probably realizing that he doesn't have morning wood, “I don't have...” He’s actually pretty cute all sleepy. He laughs. “I know but I couldn't figure out how else to get your attention.” I shrug. ↗

— K. Larsen

#humor-relationships #love-story #love

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#famous-quotes #humor #humour #life #love

Then, I will be a real Italian girl, instead of a total American who still can't hear someone across the street to his friend Marco without wanting instinctively to yell back "Polo! ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#italian #love

Disney will never make a movie about my life story, and that's a shame--I'd make a really cute animated creature. ↗

— Kate Bornstein

#humor #memoir #love

Claire’s cottage wasn’t quite the same layout as his mother’s, but it looked to be the same size. Daniel couldn’t be sure—he’d have to see Claire’s bedroom first. Internally again, Daniel laughed and then he sighed again. Did he just make a joke in his head and laugh at himself? ↗

— Allie Burke

#love #love

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones. ↗

— Scott B. Pruden

#humorous-quotes #immaculate-deception #satire #science-fiction #science-fiction-comedy

The two of them were like oil and water. Her older sister was forever stuck in surrogate mommy role. But Viviana had never needed, nor wanted a replacement mother. Fate had seen fit to remove her biological mother, so she figured that was the way it was supposed to be. ↗

— A. T. Hicks

#love-hate-relationship #opera-singer #sibling-rivalry #love

You remember Ernest Angley? TV healer. He’d slap people’s foreheads—whap!—and they’d flop over, quivering like fish.” She hooted in laughter. “I used to love watching him. It was like professional wrestling for Baptists. ↗

— Daryl Gregory

#love

Also-and this is critical-you are not ugly." She blinked. Nick's eyes danced with amusement. "Remember, Isabel. It was your brother who said it. I would not dare to take credit for such pretty words. I would have said something more pedestrian. It takes a great orator to come up with -" "Not ugly." She gave a little shake of her head. "What a lovely compliment. ↗

— Sarah MacLean

#isabel #nicholas #love