#humor

Pantycount for the evening is: 10 thongs, 2 boy shorts, 3 bikini briefs, 1 pair boxer shorts (represent!). There’s also something we can’t identify which may or may not be some type of bondage gear. You guys are awesome. ↗

— Ashlyn Kane

#humor

She was eager to stoop to his level. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

One just had to admire his deluded self-confidence. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves. ↗

— Mark Twain

#life #truth #humor

Then what are you? An electronic Hannibal Lector? You can't eat my liver with fava beans through a modem, you know. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#humor #humor

To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #philosophy #humor

You either trust me or you don't. I've never let you down, and I won't walk away unless you make me. Period. Now, unless you have a real emergency, I'd like to get back to my vacation. And my corpse, thanks. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat-crawfield #catherine-crawfield #funny #humor #jeaniene-frost

Not only had he lost the only girl he'd ever loved, he'd lost her in duplicate, like some heartbroken but highly efficient civil servant. ↗

— Tom Holt

#humor

Wendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, "I've got herpes. I thought you should know. ↗

— Caprice Crane

#humor

On a quick side note, I would argue that--much like Samuel L. Jackson--I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#humor