#humor

Don't need a degree in rocket science to do this job. ↗

— Alexander Gordon Smith

#humor

If I gave my mother a knitted scarf she'd be worried I was wasting my time doing stupid stuff like knitting instead of school work. Presenting a homemade knitted object to my parents was actually like handing them a detailed backlog of my idleness. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#humor

I did get so wigged out that I sneaked out to his house a couple times in the middle of the night to watch over him while he slept, just in case, I don't know, his comic book collection decided to spontaneously combust. This was dumb and admittedly creepy in an Edward Cullen kind of way, but it was the only thing I could think to do. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#clara-gardner #humor #tucker #tucker-avery #humor

Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes. ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#humourous #pizza #humor

Men don't ask other men if they're getting home OK, they just assume that beneath the frail, weak exterior lurks a muscle-building kung fu master fearless of ever being mugged. ↗

— Kate Griffin

#kate-griffin #men #the-midnight-mayor #humor

You’ve always been nuts. That’s fine. I can deal with nuts. But lately, you’ve been depressed nuts. I can’t deal with that. - Anthony ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

Yes, yes, mistress, I shall go and accomplish your task. Only—I was not only sent to kill the Leucrotta. There is a maiden in a tower—" At this the Witch spat, again rolling her marvelous eyes. "Those revolting creatures are always getting themselves locked up. If only they would stay that way. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#maidens #towers #witches #humor

Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin. ↗

— Christopher Farnsworth

#humor #paranormal-suspense #vampires #humor

The Side Effects of Dying in Your Pants isn't really funny… Alright, it's a little funny. ↗

— John Green

#humor #funny

The Librarian considered matters for a while. So…a dwarf and a troll. He preferred both species to humans. For one thing, neither of them were great readers. The Librarian was, of course, very much in favor of reading in general, but readers in particular got on his nerves. There was something, well, sacrilegious about the way they kept taking books off the shelves and wearing out the words by reading them. He liked people who loved and respected books, and the best way to do that, in the Librarian’s opinion, was to leave them on the shelves where Nature intended them to be. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor