#humor

A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel’s End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door swung shut behind Jenks, sealing us in the warm air smelling faintly of smoke. Immediately Nick yanked it open to come in behind us. And there’s the punch line. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #rachel-morgan #romance #vampire #humor

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor #sarcasm #taste #humor

Life’s greatest gift is the freedom it leaves you to step out of it whenever you choose. ↗

— André Breton

#suicide #humor

We do need a system, and we do need you and your 'Bertos, and sometimes we need Sam to just come along and kick some ass. - Quinn ↗

— Michael Grant

#government #humor #money #humor

Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied? ↗

— William Makepeace Thackeray

#humor #satire #vanity #humor

There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech. ↗

— Mark Twain

#preparedness #humor

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble. ↗

— Betty White

#life #humor

He has fought many battles with us" (Jace) By which you mean one battle" muttered Simon. "Two if you count the one I was a rat ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship. ↗

— Robert Harris

#humor