#humor

I swear, my dear. Sometimes our conversations remind me of a broken sword." She raised an eyebrow. "Sharp as hell," Lightsong said, "but lacking a point. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #humor

The price for using dark magic is death, so that goes a long way toward deterring users. ↗

— Devon Monk

#death

[Like they say,] small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. ↗

— Dave Courtney

#death

[Jules] slides into a seat beside me with her hot lunch tray, sighing. “Four hours, thirty-six minutes, and twelve seconds till we’re out of purgatory for the weekend.” “Maybe later,” I murmur, still distracted by the day’s previous events. “So, let me show you how a conversation works. I say something, and then you say something back that actually relates to what I was talking about, as if you were even the least bit interested.” “Huh?” I say. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#conversation #delilah-mcphee #humor #jules #paying-attention

Three hours ago I was in bed, I thought miserably. I should have stayed there. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#death

Being dead is highly overrated. It’s no fun at all." -- Mythe: A Fairy Tale ↗

— P.J. Gordon

#humor #paranormal #death

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar? ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

ohmygoodNESS! ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor #vampires #humor

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death". ↗

— Tim Minchin

#grumpiness #humor #relativism #sarcasm #spirituality

Death speaks: There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling and said, Master, just now when I was in the market-place I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture; now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me. The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went. Then the merchant went down to the market-place and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning? That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra. ↗

— W. Somerset Maugham

#humor #death