#humor

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#jokes #kel #raoul #humor

THE WOMAN WAS GOING TO KILL HIM, and not because she was stronger and more vicious than he was. Which, if he thought about it, she was. He’d never ripped a man’s throat out with his teeth, and he was damned impressed that Gwen had. She’d made the Lords of the Underworld look like marshmallows. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#lords-of-the-underworld #humor

Oh, goodie," Puck said as I stepped forward. "I'm going to have a rash in the most uncomfortable places. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#puck #robin-goodfellow #humor

And if you say that's because you lot barged into her home like a herd of mentally deficient sheep, I'm disowning all three of you. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#julia-quinn #romance #humor

HOROSCOPE: Today is a good time for making new friends. A good deed may have unforeseen consequences. Don’t upset any druids. You will soon be going on a very strange journey. Your lucky food is small cucumbers. People pointing knives at you are probably up to no good. PS, we really mean it about the druids. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#food

I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #breakfast #eaten #funny #grinning

Nathan nods. "Have a good time. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I hear Andy as I'm walking out the front door. "Honey, that threat doesn't work when you're gay. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor

Humor was a good way to hide the pain. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#pain #humor

For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. ↗

— H.L. Mencken

#humor #humor

Riley : "Do you want to claw at me, kitty-cat? Come on." Mercy: "Sorry, I don't beat defenseless puppies. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor #humor