#humor

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humor

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor

There are four simple ways for the observant to tell Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar apart: first, Mr. Vandemar is two and a half heads taller than Mr. Croup; second, Mr. Croup has eyes of a faded china blue, while Mr. Vandemar's eyes are brown; third, while Mr. Vandemar fashioned the rings he wears on his right hand out of the skulls of four ravens, Mr. Croup has no obvious jewelery; fourth, Mr. Croup likes words, while Mr. Vandemar is always hungry. Also, they look nothing at all alike. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

And what have I done?" What? WHAT?...You've stolen them." With that, Cornelia fled, but Buttercup understood; she knew who "them" was. The boys. The beef-witted featherbrained rattledskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed BOYS. ↗

— William Goldman

#humor

The trick. . .is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary. ↗

— Wendy Wasserstein

#happiness #humor #identity #intimacy #life

I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences. ↗

— Graham Parke

#philosophy #weird #humor

Something about telling that story made my gut grow back together." What?" Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud." That's who you really like. The people you can think out loud in front of." The people who've been in your secret hiding places." The people you bite your thumb in front of." Hi." Hi." ..." ..." Wow. My first Lindsey." My second Colin." That was fun. Let's try it again." Sold." ..." ..." ..." ... ↗

— John Green

#humor #lindsey #humor

Oh for craps sake. You're not dying again, are you? It's seriously inconvenient when you do that." -Aphrodite ↗

— P.C. Cast

#burned #house-of-night #humor #paranormal #vampire

It was sad, like those businessmen who came to work in serious clothes but wore colorful ties in a mad, desperate attempt to show there was a free spirit in there somewhere. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Hell's bells, irony blows. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #irony #humor