#humor

The perfectly measured burr of a dispassionate detective had suddenly changed into the explosive boom of a take-no-shit street cop. Suffice it to say, I froze. ↗

— Cleo Coyle

#detective #humor #change

Dont try to be the key for closed minded people, because they always change the locks ↗

— Prince karabo maepa

#change

How many Lojbanists does it take to change a broken light-bulb?” goes the old Lojban joke. “Two: one to decide what to change it into and one to decide what kind of bulb emits broken light. ↗

— Arika Okrent

#language #linguistics #lojban #change

Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that’s the sound the world makes when it pisses itself. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #change

They've never known a time when people drank rain water because it was pure, or could eat snow, or swim in any river or brook. The last time I drove to Washington the traffic was so bad that I could have made better time with a horse. ↗

— Madeleine L'Engle

#brook #change #earth #environment #history

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#grey-hair #guillotine #humor #old-age #age

Twenty-seven.” His brow puckered, and he blinked over at her. “Twenty-seven hundred years, right?” If he were speaking to Taliyah, yes. “No. Just twenty-seven plain, ordinary years.” “You don’t mean human years, do you?” “No. I mean dog years,” she said dryly, then pressed her lips together. Where was the filter that was usually poised over her mouth? Strider didn’t seem to mind, though. Rather, he seemed stupefied. Would Sabin have had the same reaction were he awake? “What’s so hard to believe about my age?” As the question echoed between them, a thought occurred to her and she blanched. “Do I look ancient?” “No, no. Of course not. But you’re immortal. Powerful. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #lords-of-the-underworld #age

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #conversations #funny #humor #mind

Her mother was a Rutherford. The family came over in the ark, and were connected by marriage with Henry the VIII. On her father's side they date back further than Adam. On the topmost branches of her family tree there's a superior breed of monkeys with very fine silky hair and extra long tails. ↗

— Jean Webster

#humor #dating

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosexuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#dogs #funny #humor #dating