#humor

I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title.
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— Jarod Kintz

#food #humor #interesting #job #meat

I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake and I open my presents.
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— Jarod Kintz

#awards-ceremony #birthday #cake #celebrate #celebration

I believed that if you were really in love and really soul mates, there would be this cosmic resonance, filled with huge chunks of agreement. What a crock! If only I'd known then that there are about three or four issues that are vital to life and about seven billion other details that don't really matter at all, I could have saved myself (and John!) boatloads of stress. ↗

— Anita Renfroe

#humor

Kit," said a female voice, "what's wrong with the fridge? All the food's gone. No, wait, there's a really ugly alien in here disguised as a leaky lettuce. Hey, I guess I shouldn't be rude to it; it's a visitor. Welcome to our planet, Mr. Alien!" This was followed by some muffled remark that Nita couldn't make out, possibly something Kit was saying. A moment later, Kit's sister Carmela's voice came out of Nita's refrigerator again. "Hola, Nita, are your phone bills getting too big? This is a weird way to deal with it... ↗

— Diane Duane

#fridge #funny #humor #kit #lettuce

Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial. ↗

— Allen Klein

#beneficial #both #deal #decided #discuss

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. ↗

— Grenville Kleiser

#anxiety #asset #attracts #best #body

Nothing mitigates the throes of depression like a steaming plate of spaghetti and meatballs with marinara sauce and grated parmasan cheese, with a good fresh bread to wipe up. ↗

— Paul Clayton

#culinary #culture #depression #food #fun

Sometimes I think I know her. This is not one of those times. This is not 3:33.
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— Jarod Kintz

#humor #knowledge #relationships #time #food

I like to deal with EVERY aspect of our condition, and that means terror and humor in equal mix. Some books have more room for humor than others. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#books #condition #deal #equal #every

There's no better cure for snobbiness than a good a** kicking. ↗

— Kristin Kimball

#food