#humor

Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor #lies #lying #sarcasm #truth

EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY ↗

— T.H. White

#government #humor #totalitarianism #humor

She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed. "These are cool," Dan decided. "Maybe I could-" "No, Dan," Amy said. "You can't collect human bones." "Awww. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#bones #collect #dan-cahill #humor #humor

Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kids #on-the-edge #humor

Down in the water, Octavian yelled, “Get me out of here! I’ll kill you!” “Tempting,” Percy called down. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #octavian #percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-mark-of-athena

Um," Doc said in a mild voice, "medically speaking, I'm not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition." "But I feel better," Jared answered, sullen. Doc smiled the tiniest smile. "Well, maybe a few more minutes of unconsciousness won't kill him. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#jared #stephenie-meyer #the-host #humor

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ↗

— Steven Wright

#tarot #humor

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#paraphrased #humor

Your mum pounced on her and started sucking away. Would’ve been arousing if not for all the screaming.” “Ian,” Bones drew out warningly. He grinned. “You’re right. I was aroused anyway. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #ian #humor