#humor

I'm so ready you could drive a truck straight up my ass and I would bend over and push back until it was in to the rear bumper. ↗

— Cameron Dane

#sex #humor

On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and all the guys lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh- like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience"- filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys. ↗

— Kody Keplinger

#funny

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#dirty #funny #hathaway #humor #ivashkov

To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #penmanship #humor

When single you are,” Roger said, imitating Yoda dispensing advice to Luke, “get laid you can. When married you get, make love you do. ↗

— Sean Kennedy

#marriage #humor

My love is made out of three things: the dawn, the sunrise, and redundancy. I poured you two glasses, which can easily and efficiently be drunk out of one cup. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#efficiency #efficient #humor #love #redundancy

They were steaming out of the station before Maia asked, 'Was it books in the trunk?' 'It was books, admitted Miss Minton. And Maia said, 'Good. ↗

— Eva Ibbotson

#books #humor #humor

And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get, I don't know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid, put the other end up my arse, stick me on a trampoline in a moving lift, and I would write a better song on the walls. That's all I'm saying. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#dylan #funk-soul-brother #humor #humour #moran

From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #mission #pg-wodehouse #writing #humor

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords. ↗

— George Carlin

#george-carlin #humor #philosophy #humor