#humor

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor

It’s alright, Kitten,” Bones said. “He won’t shoot.” Tate lowered his gun, even as the sudden dizziness from blood-loss made me sway. Bones took my gun and casually handed it to Juan, who gapped at him in amazement. “You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I called her that. My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine.” “And well she should have,” Bones agreed. “She’s mine. Kitten, and no one else’s. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor

♪Kyo-kun and Tohru sitting in a tree... K-I-S...♪ - Shigure Sohma ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor

I see the world, it makes me puke, But then I look at you and know, that somewhere there's a someone who can soothe me. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #love #lyrics #music #humor

But I did die once. (I don't recommend it.) ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

Chuckling, I cried, “I’m sorry.” I pulled even harder and broke loose from his grip, but I fell backwards onto the floor. He slowly stalked towards me, his smile filled with desire and I pointed my hand at him. “Don’t. Behave!” “Don’t behave? I accept your terms of parole.” “That’s not what I meant!” But when my smile broke through, he knew I was lying. ↗

— Devon Ashley

#humor

You both ... you both saved me?" "Come on," said Luis. "You make it sound like it was hard for Val to go to the Unseelie Court, strike a deal with Roiben, challenge Mabry to a duel, win back your heart, and then get back here during rush hour. ↗

— Holly Black

#humor

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#humour #weather #humor

That cup of tea is definately not down your alley ↗

— Jean Ferris

#humor

Mr Lorry asks the witness questions: Ever been kicked? Might have been. Frequently? No. Ever kicked down stairs? Decidedly not; once received a kick at the top of a staircase, and fell down stairs of his own accord. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#dickens #humor #lie #witness #humor